December 2010
“You love someone, you open yourself up suffering, that’s the sad truth. Maybe...”
– Bones (via quote-book)
part of me wishes that i lived in...
a world where holidays weren’t the epitome of winter.
Cross the line if you ever talk to yourself in...
that i do.
DAY TWO.
so new york city decided to slack on the snow cleanup. as far as i’m concerned, this has never happened before. our street hasn’t been plowed ONCE. not once. and it’s day two, bordering on day three after the storm. this is serious.
the trains aren’t running. neither are the buses. streets are littered with cars because people leave, get trapped and then can’t get...
textmetextmetextme.
and you just did. win.
sometimes wishing for something does make it happen.
christmas is over.
and i don’t want to hear another christmas song for a whole year. christmas music after christmas is depressing.
on to other news. being home. well. in a way, it’s still a pain in the ass. and it’s not even the whole being in this house. it’s nights. i don’t know what it is, but everytime i’m back at home. i can’t sleep. the insomnia that always comes...
something is wrong with me.
i wanted to come home.
and now i want to go back. wayy back. back to a few weeks ago. when i didn’t even know what i was missing. but now that i do know what i’m missing, what i COULD, what i should be doing right now. it’s all i can think about. and it’s driving me freaking crazy.
Every once in a while, I still look at your...
(via 365thoughts, 365thoughts)
one thing i've really missed...
…is the ability to just lose myself in a good book. i missed that. that’s one thing. haha. probably one of the three things.
in np i’m always out, doing something, in scudder, going for a walk, at the muddy cup, whatever. but maybe being forced to stay home comes with it’s own merits. i’ve been craving a good book for a while and i really want to read the one brooke...
wow, i really hate being here.
i’ve been back for about. 6 hours. ish. and i cannot wait to go back. honestly, counting down the days.
within the past about 3 hours, there’ve been plates broken, suitcases torn apart and constant screaming. as well as a curfew and some stringent fucking rules.
it’s great to be home.
32 more days.
in 24 hours,
my dad will be here. with his car. to put my month’s worth of clothing. and shoes. and we’ll be on our way back to brooklyn.
back to. dramatic family entanglements. back to crazy bitches, back to everything that i ran from. jesus christ, it’s like walking into the bear’s mouth. no need to come hunting for me. i’m right hurr. fuck.
so there’s that. but then...
packpackpack.
in 36ish hours i will be in brooklyn.
oh, home. how i’ve missed you.
i just want to go home.
i’m at that point where i’m so sick of finals. they’re a joke in high school, but they’re such a big deal in college. my japanese final grade will either pass or fail me for that class. and i’m stressed out. i never leave my room except to eat and i’m getting cabin fever. i’m going to kill someone.
pandora is the only thing keeping me sane and i only have...
first christmas stocking.
and it made me cry.
i think i’m slowly but surely falling for the small town life that you showed in a matter of five simple days.
And maybe it's true, I'm falling for you. Maybe...
365thoughts:
— Jay Sean
To Do:
In the next ten days, I must:
pack for home.
make a study guide for english. study.
anthro study guide. study.
LEARN THE JAPANESE ALPHABET.
learn all the vocab for japanese.
memorize my performance piece for my rap class.
finish my rap analysis on kid cudi.
do a presentation for undeclared students.
make a list of things to bring from home.
clean the room one more time before i leave.
...
redemption.
has never tasted sweeter. i’ve managed to salvage my reputation from the last time we all went to the krow’s nest. and we can all look back on it and laugh now. thankgod.
some days just suck.
it’s so easy to just hide in your bed and pile on the blankets. some of us will even watch a bollywood movie and cry. furiously. because they miss home, but they miss a home that never existed. a home that’s in their minds, a home that will never exist, no matter how fondly they look back at the inappropriately timed memories that will never seem to come to life.
i want to far, far...
there's only so much new paltz i can take...
…i think 3 months is an appropriate allocation of time. and i miss the ability to take the subway when it’s OH YOUKNOW. TEN DEGREES OUTSIDE. at least i can be on a warm train for most of my journey. i don’t have to walk to the ends of the earth and back. winter in new paltz makes me wish i drove. or my friends did. i’m so tired of this ghetto public transportation.
rawr,...
i wanted to get this out before...
but tumblr decided to malfunction. jerk.
i went for a walk on sunday. a three hour walk in the flurries. the snow wasn’t sticking when i started walking, but by the end my walk, there was a thin layer of ice and pretty snow on the ground. it was a really weird walk. i guess it’s because i’m used to my walks in brooklyn. the walks there are provoking, they make me think of...
“if i love you, i’ll be mean to you, because i’m comfortable enough...”
it's a shame that good poetry comes from misery.
because all i know is that there isn’t anything for me to write when i’m happy. i never write poetry when i’m happy. not to say i don’t write happy poems. some of my stuff has happy undertones. but i realized that i have to be in some kind of emotional turmoil to have to put something on paper. and it can’t be that awkward blah feeling either. because if i’m...
read my mind.
give me what i want, regardless of how it makes you feel.
selfish? no. you need to prove something to yourself, then go ahead. you should’ve kept your feelings to yourself then. because you started something that neither one of us can let go. let’s pray it doesn’t get awkward and make me wish i’d never met you. even though i’m falling as we speak.
