“You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life.”—
hit up all of the tele and mcauliffe kiddies. i need one more summer with my friends. yes, they’re flawed and yes, we’re horribly good together, but yes. i need them.
LOSE WRITER’S BLOCK. i feel like i can’t write when i’m under extreme emotions, be they good or bad. it’s been 3 years since i’ve written anything good. i need to get back into it. and it shouldn’t be hard in my house, with the constant low hum of oppression and misery. (i’m being dramatic, i know)
go back to the home country. see everyone, bring naina an i’m sorry present. candy for the younger kids, clothes for the younger girls, ipod for saabi. find pia, apologize.
find a job. -let’s be honest. not happening.
get out of the house during the daylight. don’t sleep the whole day away.
don’t spend every hour when there’s daylight outside, in your room, downloading music, watching tv/movies, or reading. try and go outside during the daylight, regardless of contempt for parents.
i am in love with rain. it’s sad, but true. i’m in love with the feel of cold rain against my warm feet. i’m in love with the sound of thunder and the brief flashes of lightening against the mountain sky.
someday, i’ll be deeply madly enamored by a guy, just as much as the rain enamors me.
i love it though. it makes all these emotions at the same time. and i love the way rain smells. to me, rain smells new. it smells clean. it smells like my mom’s chai and my old room, back on foster ave. it makes me think of warm rice and movie nights indoors.
and i love walking in the rain. i wish i didn’t get cold so easily, because if i could, i’d take my ipod and just walk.
then again, there are rapists and serial killers. i’m exhausted. i’ve been up since 7, registering for classes, writing essays and going to class, knowing that i’m getting shwasted this weekend, so might as well do it now.
on a side note, i did get all of the classes i wanted. time to pass out. goodnight world.
it’s almost one am. and you’re making me sit here and write this about you, because i know if i don’t, in the morning you’ll be like. wtf, ho. i’ve been up since 6. i am going to crash. so to make this easy. i’ll dedicate this rant. to lists. and don’t worry. you’ll come up in other rants. that’s a promise.
things i like about you.
you’re actually not judgmental. i know i have these moments where i literally sit there and spit out my actions to you. and i’m just like. ohshit. he thinks i’m a bad person, but hey. it’s all good. i know you love me, even if you’re too pussy to acknowledge your undying affection for me. jk.
you make me laugh. we can be obnoxious together. furthermore, we can sit there and seriously discuss what’s going on in the world and still be okay with it. we can sit in silence too, just listening to kesha and watching the scenery go by.
you share your life. that’s something new. i’ve never had a best friend before, who was so open and so willing to share. i honestly love that about you. you share. it’s refreshing. it makes me want to share my life with you. scary shit, bro.
you feed me. and for that, we’ll always be likeTHIS.
you’re a hopeless romantic. YOU DO HAVE A SOUL. hahahahaha.
things i tolerate about you.
your chivalry. your horrid sense of always being right. jew guilt. your puppy’s tongue up my nose. bumblefuck. NEVER LETTING THINGS GO. your fear of taking risks. (tattoo is the first step.) your utter desire to be in control. your psychoanalysis crap. (that’s really the little arab girl in me). your fucking attitude sometimes. ugh, i swear. your constant attempts to hook me up with awkward white boys, when you know i need a little ghetto in my boytoys.
so all in all. it’s late. i’m sleepy. this is half-assed, but true. i promise i’ll get back to you. haha, probably when you irk me. which is often. but it would worry me if you didn’t irk me.
remember how a while back i said i was going to number my rants. and vent here, instead of going off on them in person? well i’d been having a good few weeks. my friends came to visit, wing night, ciroq, real food and general happiness.
then i came home. and i’m not about to rant for hours and days, regardless of the fact that i have the material. i just want to acknowledge one thing.
you’re a horrible person who i have the misfortune of knowing and you will never get back in my good graces. a while ago, someone told me i was too forgiving, that always seeing the good in people was going to get me fucked over. well they were right. in this one case.
i’ve always forgiven you and let it go as just something we grew up with. you didn’t know better, no one taught you better. you got it from your mother, father, whoever. it made sense, since dad got the same attitude, the same desire to manipulate and emotionally trap people. hell i’m not the most sensitive person in the world.
but what you did today was unacceptable. and while you’ll always be related to me, what you did, what you’re doing, the games you’re freaking playing. no one else may see them because you’ve “changed,” but i do. and i’m not letting my family get hurt just so your family can benefit. sorry, you disgusting piece of filth i have the uncontrollable misfortune to be related to.